Enthusiasm

K was sucking me last night.

It was quite late, long after midnight.
We went to bed this late, because we had friends visiting us for a BBQ.
The weather is excellent over here. Lots of sun, 25 degrees.
The region we are living in, even was the warmest in the whole of Europe.
Something that never happens!
The weather over here is notorious for rain and clouds...

Anyway, it was late and we started fooling around a bit but we both were not completely in the mood.

Of course I started losing my erection after some time, a combined effect of me not really being in the mood and sensing that k wasn't either.
She did a good job, though, deep throating as good as she could.
But something was missing.

Enthusiasm.

K stopped and rolled away on her side of the bed.

When I asked what happened, she said that her mind easily wandered off to other things.

'I did get the chance to wander off'.
That's what she said.

It triggerd me.
This one remark triggered me and I told her to turn on her back and start pinching her nipples. Pulling them hard.
I could see that she was instantly turned on.
After some time I ordered her to start fingering herself and I grabbed her hair and started fucking her mouth.

It was different. Very different.
When we both came, it was very, very good.

A good lesson learned.
I will not let her mind wander off again.

Still there

It has been some time I posted here. Not because I have a major fit of writing block, just a little one...

Things are progressing in my life. In our life.
K and I are getting closer.
And than we are moving away from each other, again.
Back and forth.
You probably recognise it.

I have added some extra play, handcuffs, flogger, butt plug.

And what do you think?
How does she feel about all of these very new things to her?

Wonderful!
Very aroused, wanting more.
And very vulnerable too.

So yes, we are growing into a new understanding.

And guess what?
I will keep track on these pages!

Babybel

We all have our kinky side!

Tango sensual

Last night k and I danced a small tango of dominance and submission.
Taking one step - another one - retiring a bit - making a turn - than dancing in another direction...

When we talked about it later, she told me that now and then, she felt like missing me strongly leading the dance. And leading it completely.

I do not know if I stopped leading at certain twists and turns.
I probably did.
Of course there are reasons for this. (Aren't there always reasons...)

I did observe k very closely last night and I also quite often assessed if things were still going right.

You should know that I handcuffed k for the first time and used a brandnew flogger. Very new!
I also gave her the sweet treatment of adjustable nipple clamps. (She really loves these gems)
I did not know how she would react to the flogging.
So I was careful.

And I wonder.
Maybe I was too careful and maybe I shouldn't.
And lead the dance.

Totally.

Funny

Greed:	Very High
Gluttony:	High
Wrath:	Medium
Sloth:	High
Envy:	Medium
Lust:	Very High
Pride:	Very High

Take the Seven Deadly Sins Quiz

I stumbled upon this in some other blog. Funny!

Please

Will you put the clamps on, please?
Will you?

Talk about a major change!
Last night, k asked herself to feel a couple of clamps biting on her nipples.

Being a good sport, and a real gentleman, I obliged...

Two happy partners in crime, what could one ask more for.

;-)

Emotions

When you read other peoples expreriences in D/s or BDSM, you often read about strong emotions. Good ones and bad ones.
But often extremely strong an very deep.

After our last experience that I described in the previous post k and I talked about what happened, how it went and about the feelings involved.

K is a very sensatory woman, very intuitive and she can easily phrase her feelings.

I sensed you were hesitating at a certain moment and i did not want you to.
It even threatened the experience a bit and it confused me.

And she is right.
I did hesitate because it all is very new, I was not sure if I din't tie the rope to much, I was not sure if I coould leave these clothespins much longer etc.
(In the end these pins were the biggest turn on for k.)

Then something special happend. And maybe I am not telling exactly how it went, but the dynamic of the conversation is important to me.

K said that this hesitation, knowing now what it originated from, touched her deeply.

And I think this is the basic dynamic between D and s.
Whatever happens, whatever is done to her is always done with care.
Even if it is intended to hurt, it is done with care.

I learned a lot, last weekend.

I really did.

Little step

It has been some time that I posted here, but I am back!


K and I took our D/s relation one step further.
A little one, but in my eyes, a very importatnt one.

Ropes and nipple clamps.

All very much improvised, but still! We did it.

Sunday morning, when we woke up, we started fooling around a bit.
Pinching, some light spanking.
I made k stand up, put her hands high against the cupboard and blindfolded her.

It was a wonderful sight, seeing her stand up, naked, blindfolded and very, very vulnerable.
I took my belt and looped it firmly around her waist.
I don't kow why, but I have always loved the sight of a leather belt, strapping in a girls waist.
It is a sort of a teeny, weeny corset, I guess. Emphasising the female hour-glass form.

Later I looseened the belt and used it on her asscheeks.
Now that really was a first! I liked it, she liked it.

At a certain point, I was holding k down on the bed and whispering in her ear that I was going to tie her up the next time.

"Why the next time"?

A good question and there was no reason to postpone it. A couple of days ago, I found a left-over rope, a quite rough one, and I went to fetch it.
I also took a couple of clothespins with me...


I have never been a boy scout, so knots are not my thing.
Not yet.
I just did my best tying k's hands behind her back and I put the clothespins on her nipples.
To be honest, I loosened them a bit, but they still did their job very well!

What impressed me was that k really enjoyed the feeling of these pins.
She was very much aroused and when I started stroking her clit, she came hard, very hard. She had one of these orgasms rising from deep inside her and lasting very long.

When I removed the blindfold, k was very emotional and she hid for a very long time in my arms.

It was a warm and deep and very new experience!

Contemplating

It happens sometimes : my world seems to come to a halt.
For no reason at all.
It just happens.
Nothing seems to change, nothing special happens. You just 'live along', one hour after another, one day after another.

This is how I am feeling right now.
It is comforting in a way, but it is not really fulfilling.

I think my pulling the brake happens due to the fragility of what is changing in my relation.
It is good, this change. Oh yes.
It is good that it is opening up a part in k that she never knew of and it is good that it allows me to explore a part of me, I knew well before.

Yes this is why I slow down a bit.
The fear that this new aspect can be shattered by one false move.

I do feel a little bit insecure.

Yes, I do.

But that is ok.

Isn't it?

Little task (two)

Don't you love to read about women or men, getting tasks to remind them of who is actually in charge?

Maybe you like it when you experience it yourself.

Last night, k and I had a little argument.
That happens, doesn't it.
She was meeting some colleagues in the city I live in and she asked if she could stay over in my appartment. More convenient to her, no driving at night, no alcohol checks...
Of course I agreed, it was after all not the first time this happened, one week ago she stayed over for the first time.

But ones feelings can play a different tune.
When she arrived, I had a faint sentiment that she was in a way intruding in my private, cosy den.
Like a bear's liar that you'd better stay away from.
Just a teeny weeny feeling.
Nothing more.

K is a very intuative person and sensed right away that I had doubts. Even how small they were, she knew.
Damn her and this female intuition...

Anyway, we kept some distance, literally even and in the morning she left to work.
She told me she was going to have lunch with an old friend, a guy she once had a short relationship with.

She texted at noon that she wrote an extensive mail. A mail, as I saw when I read it, to tell me she loves me and that she is thrilled with the path we are walking on now. D/s and everything included does attract her very, very much.

Such mails trigger me to get naughty! So I texted back that I appreciated her mail very much. And then I wrote this.

"Put your feet next to each other, straighten your back, bend it a bit backward and lift your bosom towards him, your ex friend".

I liked the idea of her former friend to see her doing this oh so female gesture, and I could picture him imangining she was doing it for him.

"Just sit like that and after half an hour, go to the toilet and take off your bra. When you are back in your seat, be aware how your nipples get hard and how you are siting there. Know that you do that for Me"

I just got a message from her

"Task completed".

Next time she will not forget to thank Me.

Little task completed

k obeyed.
Just as I told her yesterday, she masturbated.
Late afternoon, I got a short message : Thank you.

Very sweet.

In the evening, she told me what she did exactly.


I came home and went upstairs to the bedroom. I lied down on the bed, and kept my clothes on. I don't know why i started this way, but i guess, i wanted it to last a bit longer. On the computer i read some dirty stories and i put a vib against my pussy, just to warm up.
After a while i stripped strak naked and laid down spread eagle. It was quite cold in the room, but i liked that, it hardend my nipples.
Gently i touched my pussy, my ass, my breasts. With the vibrator, i started teasing myself. My clit, labia, asshole...
It was wonderful.
When my orgasm came closer and closer, i pushed the vibrator in my ass, rubbed my clit with one hand and pinched my left nipple very hard until it did hurt a lot.

When i came, i came very, very hard. I couldnt stop thinking that i came for you.

Isn't k doing wonderful?

I think she is!

Little task

I just texted k that I wanted her to masturbate and send me a text message to thank me.

Half a minute later, she answered that she couldn't. She was in the car and driving to an appointment for her job.

Now is that a good reason to disobey?

I don't think so. I do accept that she is not able to do as told, right away . I did not give her a time limit. But not possible?
No.
I let her know that it is not Me who has to resolve her problem, that's up to her.

I don't mind when she has to wait a bit to touch herself. In fact I am quite happy with that. Her appointment will have an extra edge to it...

I than suggested that every decent bar has a bathroom.

Now I just wait and see when I will get her message.

Exciting!

Patience

I have never been a patient person. Not really. I can let things linger for quite a while, yes, but at a certain point, I want results.

Stepping into BDSM again, I realise that you definitely will not get everything you wish for, right away.
It doesn't work like that.
Never has and never will.

Last night, K and I started making love. It was quite late, we were both tired, but because I gently touched her here and there, she got in the mood and so did I.
I quickly became a lot more rough with her cause I want to and I know that by now, she has a taste for that.

I would like to hurt her.
But I know that pain is one of these BDSM parts that take their time to be introduced. I still am not sure if K is into pain, but I try. Step by step.
Pinching her nipples a bit more than the previous time (quite nasty even), then switch to gently stroking her tits, fingering her ass without lube, smacking her bottom, stroking it lovingly, slap her in the face.

Step by step.

I admit that I m 'swimming' a bit myself too.
But somewhere, deep down I have the knowledge that this is the way.
It comes naturally.

And even though I am not the most patient guy in the world, I can see that I am starting to exactly be that guy...

Miracles do happen...

Trust

In any relationship, trust is vital. Without trust things can get very messed up, very emotional.

K and I are in the 8th year of our relationship and lately we are having some difficulties. I moved out to live on my own, without (yet) exactly knowing what will come of this. It is getting clearer though.

No wonder she is already a bit low on trust.

I used this time on my own, to do a lot of thinking, to find out what my motives were to move to this appartment, to find out how I feel about myself, my life, our relationship.
I started to surf a bit on the internet, reading blogs that were appealing to me, mailing to a couple of the authors. I chatted with someone else and finally started my own blog.
The one you are reading now. (Thanks for that by the way!)

All of this, I did in private, without bringing it into my relationship.

Not because I wanted to hide it, not because I did not dare to talk about it, but because it felt like I uncovered a lot of things and ideas that are 'new' . Not new to me, but to K.
And, maybe the most sensitive aspect of it, these ideas aren't always easy to digest when shown to your partner.

If she should read this blog e.g. K might get the impression that I am someone totally different from the guy she thought I was. So I intended to present all that is written and shown here, at a slow pace.
I know that there is actually no reason at all, to keep these deep, sometimes dark attidudes and interests to myself over the years.
I know.
But things are what they are and you cannot turn back the hands of time.

Now what might happen if K would, by accident, stumble upon this blog and recognise some stories or even recognise a picture?
What might happen with her trust in me?

It is deeply shaken.

And it was.

Last weekend.

I used K's laptop, changed some postings on the blog and shut down her computer without clearing the borwser's history. She needed this history the next day and out of curiosity surfed to this unknown url that showed up.
And it had its effect on her trusting me.
You can imagine her reaction and her feelings.

I am not going to dig deeper into this now, maybe I will later.
We talked a lot, and we talked very openly. And that was good and reassuring for me and for her.
So now there is nothing more that has not yet been uncovered and shown. I am no longer covering up anything.
Let's hope now that out of this turmoil, a new future can develop.

K might be reading this posting too.

I hope she will.

Take her to the top

When I took my first small steps into BDSM years ago with C, experimenting was exiting. It still is. Of course...

C was highly orgasmic. She came easily, she came often, always mind blowing and leg shaking.
One day I told her to sit down in a lounge chair, pull up her legs and close her eyes.
She simply looked gorgeuos when she did, a picture, heartbreakingly vulnerable in her nakedness.

C was a slim girl, long legged, ash blond with small and firm breasts, pink nipples and she had one of these pussys that only show pluffy, outer labia. Hmmm.
And Brazilian waxed. Of course.

She complied immediately, breathing heavily. She sat down, closed her eyes and pulled up her legs.

One of C's marvelous qualities was that she could almost orgasm without any physical stimulation. And I could sense that she was already moving closer and closer to the point of no return.

I orderd her to touch her clit and circle it slowly but I also told her that she was not allowed to come. When she lowered her hand, she sighed and parted her legs a bit further. She almost jumped out of the chair when she touched her clit and started moving her index finger around.

It was such a lovely sight.

I stood behind her and whispered in her ear.
"You like this, don't you? You like it when I tell you to do things, and you like it when I intensely watch you maturbate.
You do, you little slut.
But you CANNOT come, C."
She quickly lifted her finger. She was to close...

Now can you torture a young beauty much longer?

Yes you can.

"Put that finger on your clit again, I didn't allow you to lift it. And you are going to come whe I say so, not earlier."

She obliged and I could see she was definetly getting into trouble. She was holding her breath, a bit later she was gasping, then clenching her teeth... Such a lovely sight!

"Come, C!"

"Come again!"

"And again".

I wish I could relive these moments.
I really do.

Breathcontrol for real

Just finished chatting with a young girl, E, who has a muscle disease and is, because of that, living in her motorised cart.
She and I got in contact a couple of weeks ago and since I am a curious boy, we talked a lot on the obvious topics...

Sex, bdsm, pain, more on sex, and later even more on...sex!

E happens to be fairly experienced in bdsm. Which I find amazing and wonderful with her obvious restrictions.

One of the things she has a good appetite for is breath play.
E has sometimes difficulties finding her breath. She needs extra oxygen now and then, because her pulmonary muscles don't do the job properly.

I was feeling awe when she told me that even with this physical problem, she once tried having her breath controlled by a Dom.
They found a way to make sure she could help herself when she should get into trouble.
The simple fact that she beat her handicap and almost used it to get her into a nice sub feeling, struck me as being of an enormous beauty.

This sub is stronger than a lot of Doms out there.
She is an example.

E, I honour you.

Need

Do you always know what you need?

I don't.
Sometimes, I don't know exactly what I want.

Need - want, it is something completely different.
What you want is not always what you need and vice versa.

E.g. I want to fuck different girls. I do.
But I am not sure if I need it.

You see, things are a bit relaxed if you NEED them.
It's much easier to make other people accept something if you can prove that you need it.

Fucking around.
What can you say to convince your girlfriend that you need it?

I am still trying to figure out.

I'll let you know when I have...

Start (the sequel)

Picture a rather sleazy hotel room in one of these motels where nobody asks names and nobody ever stays overnight.
You know the kind of room, don't you.

To make sure you know what you're here for, there is a large mirror over the bed and an even larger one in front of the bed.
Even when you are only here with your girl friend, these mirrors make it all look like you're all having group sex.

C, my girl friend who likes a good face slap, is standing naked in front of the large mirror. When I tell her to, she spreads her legs wide and puts her hands on her head.
Shivers run down her spine when I put a blindfold on. She shudders even more when I push her gently forward so that her breasts and belly touch the cold glass of the mirror.

She sighs deeply.

Precisely at that moment (exactly as I had imagined), room service knocks at the door. C starts telling me not to open the door and starts running to the bathroom while removing the blindfold.

I stop her, turns her to the mirror and redo the blindfold.
"Spread your legs".
When she does, I open the door and let the waitress in with the two drinks we ordered. I pay her.
C is not happy, not at all. But she is tremendoulsy aroused, pussy juices running down her thighs.

I am happy.

And that is what counts, isn't it.

The big O

Not yet.

No, I am not going to forbid you to come.
Maybe I will somewhere in the future, but then again, I might not.
Only I know if, how and when. You don't.
It is as easy as that.

I was whispering in K's ear last night.

Whispering in her ear.

She has always been a sucker for whispers. For tales, for dirty talk.
And who am I to object.

Turn on your belly, close your eyes and feel your body all over. Your breasts, crushed on the mattress when I cover you with the weight of my body. The tingling between your legs. Feel it. Feel your pussy getting wet.

K is very responsive to talking and to suggestion. The instant I say that she should feel the aching of her pussy, it starts aching.

I orderd her to start masturbating.
Slowly, very slowly.
Just one hand, one finger.
Nothing more.
I explicitly ordered her to tell me when she was coming closer to the big O. And when she did, I ordered her to wait.
She tried hard and in the end managed to control herself. But she begged me to grant her release.

I did not.
Not yet.
Oh no, not yet.

When she got upset, I held her down strongly. One arm in her neck, pushing her into the mattress. One hand on her throat.
My penetration was sudden, unexpected and she gasped for air.
I buried myself deep in her and started thrusting.

Do not cum.
Not yet.
Oh no, not yet.

I am going to count you down and you can only come when I say 'NOW'.

K missed it a bit. It is new, very new to her.
But she came. Once, twice, three times in a row.
I did not.
I didn't need to.

Not now.

Not yet.

Life in the 21st century

I am in a relation now.

A troubled one.

K and I have been together for almost eight years but only recently, two years ago we moved in together. The simple fact that it took me almost six years to make that decision, has always been an issue between us.
Very understandably, K considered my hesitation to live together as a lack of commitment.

Three months ago I took the very difficult decision to move out. It is not easy to explain what my motives were. I felt caged, I simply felt bad. What I did know, was that I needed a break, a period of 'calm water'.

K is not happy with the situation. This clearly is not her choice and she feels like I let her down completely.

We started to talk.
And then we talked again.
And then we talked even more.
Slowly, very slowly, we even started to tell each other 'secrets' we have been hiding all these years.

I am Dominant but I buried these feelings over the years. Now time has come that I no longer want to do so. It was not easy to reveal this 'secret' to the girl I have been together with for so long.

But I did.
And she understood what I meant.
And she was even interested to try walking this path with me.

This blog is the story of my (re)start into this life. And it might also be the story of K and I taking our first steps into this lifestyle. Maybe it will be a glorious journey, maybe it is going to be disaster. I honestly do not know.

Putting my thougts here into the open, will help me to understand better what this journey means to me.

It will certainly deepen my knowledge of myself and my knowledge of my desires.

Start (even earlier)

Recently I was mailing with a girl who is also active in the lifestyle.
She was telling me how she, as a very young girl, realised that she was submissive. And how she could feel, just by the way a man looks at her, if he is a dominant.

It set my mind at work and I remembered that one of my first girl friends, C told me that I could look at her in a way that she felt naked, wanted. And she said that my eyes, the way I looked, could deeply shake her.
It was a strong bond C and I had, but she decided to move on and found love in the arms of a very alfa-male type of guy.

I know now that I could have been that guy if I had only known myself as I do now.

Time is a good and sometimes bitter teacher.

Start

Am I an expert in BDSM? No.
Am I addicted? Maybe.
Am I hooked? Yes, definitely.

My first steps into dominating women, came naturally and unexpectedky to me.
I was thirty something, when I got involved with a younger woman who liked it 'a bit harder'.
I was married at that time, so was she.
No strings attached must have been the trigger for extra spice in our sex life together. After all that was the only thing what 'we' was based upon.
No sex, no we. Simple as that.

The culprit for my start in BDSM was the carpet of her living room.
Strong, grey, almost industrial carpet, wall to wall. The burning knees type of carpet.
She was on her back and I was fucking her thoroughly.
In the heat of the moment she begged me to slap her across the face.

I did it. Hard. An she came almost instantly.
I must admit it, I liked that a lot.

Later she and I got involved in more sm activities.
But that is another story.

This blog is about my BDSM life. How I got into it and where I am now.